Plain Sailing In Schools

The world is full of victims, and by this I mean people who think their problems are nothing to do with them and everything to do with a world that is unfair.

Take a look at these, and see if any of them apply to you:

• You want others to know that you have had a bad time
• You think everything that happens to you is ‘unfair’
• You believe it is always other people who get the breaks
• You feel secretly pleased when others feel sorry for you
• You see the world through the eyes of defeat

If you can identify with most of the above, then I suspect you are one of those people who believe the world is out to get you. You probably feel that you are at the mercy of everything. The media doesn’t help, as newspapers and TV programmes are saturated with people telling us what terrible lives they have.

There is a growing blame culture out there. For many, it’s always the fault of someone else that their partner left them, that they are overweight etc. We are surrounded by images of ‘normal’ life as never having problems, difficulties, obstacles and arguments. But the truth is that the challenge of life is actually about overcoming the difficulties to get the things you want.

It’s not always easy to get what you want out of life, but whoever said that life had to be easy? Sometimes, even when you put 100% effort into something, it still doesn’t turn out how you want it to. That’s just how things are sometimes. Unfortunately, many so-called victims believe that what has happened to them has nothing to do with their own actions – largely because they have chosen to take a certain view of the world. Victims believe that the world revolves around them.

Victims frequently appear to not care so much about others because they are self-absorbed. They are always ready to tell you how much harder their life is.

At the end of the day, victims may feel like the world has screwed them up, but ultimately they need to sort their lives out. If this is you, why not try these:

• Give yourself a different label: Change the way you think about yourself in a more positive way. If you are a self-pitying, overweight alcoholic, then you will remain one. People who think in a more positive way actually believe they can become what they think they are.
• Rid yourself of destructive behaviour: Try to be around people who can support you, and not those who are negative influences. Involve yourself with people who are also interested in self improvement.
• Act instead of talking about it: Stop making excuses all the time. If you feel you are about to start moaning or complaining about something, change the subject and/or your thoughts straight away. Try the 20 Second Rule, where you focus completely on something positive for 20 seconds.
• Stop comparing yourself to others: Don’t measure yourself by the achievements, successes, deeds and possessions of others. You may admire some of these people, but you don’t need to waste valuable time worrying about what others have got. Focus on your own life and goals, and put all your energy into building the life you want.
• Make the most out of the worst: Successful people tend to be able to use times of difficulty to reinvent themselves and change their lives. They don’t think like victims, instead they learn from their misfortunes, bad luck and mistakes.

So, don’t let self-pity and feeling like a victim take control of your life and destroy all the chances you have of being happy and successful.

John Bird (2006) states:

You are no longer a victim if:

• You do not believe the world owes you a living
• You know you have to go through thorns to find roses
• You refuse to hang around with victims
• You know the grass is not always greener on the other side
• You refuse to use your past as an excuse
• You take setbacks as an opportunity to gain strength
• You spend more time thinking about others
• You replace excuses with action.

It would be great to hear your views on this post, so please leave a response.

If any of these issues are affecting your life, please get in touch with me.

One of the key elements of coaching people successfully is to help them identify the self-limiting beliefs that may prevent them from taking action and achieving their goals. After much exploration, it often becomes apparent that these beliefs have been around for years – sometimes from as far back as early childhood. If these beliefs remain, then they will continue to be obstacles to moving forward and making progress.

Like most coaches, I spend a lot of time helping clients eradicate their negative beliefs and then form new empowering ones to enable them to achieve their goals. This is crucial as hanging on to destructive negative beliefs can result in a great deal of unhappiness, lack of confidence, and low self-esteem.

When I read The Key by Joe Vitale, I was struck by a section written by the author Mandy Evans. I would like to share some of this with you. I have tried her strategy myself several times and have personally found it a very powerful and effective tool. Some of you may be familiar with it, especially those of you who have incorporated elements of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy into your coaching methods.

As we all know, coaching can help improve anything in a person’s life, from relationships to finances, but this is only truly possible when the person discovers the hidden beliefs that hold him or her back. As soon as they have been identified, then they are more able to start questioning them to see if they are still true to them in the clear light of day. It is completely possible for anyone to free themselves from painful emotions like fear, anger or guilt by finding and breaking down the beliefs that cause them and keep them stuck inside.

The beliefs that block happiness and success are among the most limiting and self-defeating of all. If you can get rid of them and feel happy and clear, you are much more likely to make choices and take actions that lead down a very different path from one you take in anger or fear.

Mandy Evans suggests the method of a question-and-answer Option Dialogue. It’s a bit like an interview with yourself. I would strongly recommend to my clients that they use a journal to record their answers, as this is an excellent way to track progress made.

Before you start, it is important to accept yourself just as you are. If you start judging yourself too much as you delve into those feelings and beliefs, it will then be more difficult to see clearly or tell yourself the truth. Go through the process slowly and use this time to discover as much as you possibly can about your feelings and beliefs.

Mandy Evans says that “You have to be willing to go through some confusion. As your beliefs change, your version of reality breaks up and reforms – disorienting, to say the least! These questions and answers weave around sometimes. They make more sense when you ask them about your feelings and your beliefs.”

Here are the questions:

1.    What are you unhappy about? Or angry, guilty, worried, for example. This question helps you get specific about your feeling and what it is about.
2.    Why are you unhappy about that? Our reasons for feeling bad are different from what we feel bad about. Our reasons are beliefs.
3.    What are you concerned would happen if you were not unhappy about that? This odd-sounding question helps you find any fear or concern you have about the feeling going away. We are often reluctant to part with a feeling even if it is painful.
4.    Do you believe that?
5.    Why do you believe that?
6.    What are you concerned would happen if you did not believe that? Sometimes we hold on to a long-held belief even if proves limiting or causes unhappiness. What are your concerns? Do they still seem real to you?
I would now like to share with you the outcome of doing an Open Dialogue with myself.

What are you unhappy about?
Answer: Young people in our society and how they have a lack of respect for others and seem to have little focus, purpose or direction.

Why are you unhappy about that?
Answer: Nobody seems to be able to get to the root of the problem, and parents and schools appear to be helpless in giving these young people the right support.

What are you concerned would happen if you were not unhappy about that?
Answer: That perhaps I wouldn’t speak out and give my ideas and suggestions, and that things would get even worse in the future. I fear that we may end up with a generation who are unable to care for one another.

Do you believe that?
Answer: To a large extent yes.

Why do you believe that?
Answer: I read so much about it and listen to reports on the radio about disaffected young people, street crime and lack of discipline at home and at school.

What are you concerned about would happen if you were not unhappy about that?
Answer: That I wouldn’t bother to do anything about it. That I wouldn’t be motivated to work on developing effective coaching programmes for young people.

Doing this exercise was enough to make me start to be more proactive in my quest to help these youngsters. I have been saying for months that I must get the ball rolling to start developing appropriate coaching programmes. I wrote down a list of contacts I know who would be interested in this field of coaching; a teenager coach, a coach who already has a programme in place, learning mentors that work in schools, and the list went on. If you know of anyone to add to my list, please do get in touch.

Clearly, this process has spurred me on to take more action and look for ways to make a difference.

Mandy Evans says “If someone asked me to review everything I learned in my whole life and give just one piece of helpful advice, it would be this – always question unhappiness. Never take feeling bad for granted. Happiness is the grand prize in the game of life, and you can award it to yourself!”

I would encourage you to try out this type of Open Dialogue in a journal. Use this process on an emotion you may be feeling right now. Think of something you want to be, do, or have. If you haven’t attracted it yet, how do you feel about it? Take that emotion and work with it in your journal.

Good luck, and it would be great to hear your views on this technique.

The Mental Health Foundation in the UK has put together some tips to help us all take care of our mental wellbeing. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Talk about your feelings

Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good  mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled. Talking about your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s part of taking charge of your wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy. Talking can be a way to cope with a problem you’ve been carrying around in your head for a while. Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone. And it works both ways. If you open up, it might encourage others to do the same. It’s not always easy to describe how you’re feeling. If you can’t think of one word, use lots. What does it feel like inside your head? What does it make you feel like doing?  You don’t need to sit your loved ones down for a big conversation about your wellbeing. Many people feel more comfortable when these conversations develop naturally – maybe when you’re doing something together. If it feels awkward at first, give it time. Make talking about your feelings something that you do.

2. Ask for help

None of us are superhuman. We all sometimes get tired or overwhelmed by how we feel or when things go wrong. If things are getting too much for you and you feel you can’t cope, ask for help. Your family or friends may be able to offer practical help or a listening ear. Local services are there to help you. Your GP may be able to refer you to a counsellor, or you may decide that getting a life coach and planning for a better future might be a better option. You should consider getting help from your GP if difficult feelings are stopping you from getting on with life; or having an impact on the people you live or work with; or affecting your mood over several weeks. Over a third of visits to GPs are about mental health. Your GP may suggest ways you or your family can help you. Or they may refer you to a specialist or another part of the health service. Life coaching is becoming increasingly popular these days, as unlike some counselling, the coaching focuses on uncovering limiting beliefs and planning goals for the future. It is proving to be very effective in overcoming mental health issues.

3. Take a break

A change of scene or a change of pace is good for your mental health. It could be a five-minute pause from cleaning your kitchen, a half-hour lunch break at work or a weekend exploring somewhere new. A few minutes can be enough to de-stress you. Give yourself some ‘me time’. “Sometimes when I’m sitting on the bus, I let my thoughts flow and it really helps me.”Taking a break may mean being very active. It may mean not doing very much at all. Take a deep breath… and relax. Try yoga or meditation, or just putting your feet up. Listen to your body. If you’re really tired, give yourself time to sleep. Without good sleep, our mental health suffers and our concentration goes downhill. Sometimes the world can wait.

4. Accept who you are

Some of us make people laugh, some are good at maths, others cook fantastic meals. Some of us share our lifestyle with the people who live close to us, others live very differently. We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Feeling good about yourself boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and make new friends. Good self-esteem helps you cope when life takes a difficult turn.”Being happy with who I am now means I enjoy living in the moment.” Be proud of who you are. Recognise and accept what you are not good at, but focus on what you can do well.  Work out if there’s anything about yourself that you still want to change. Are your expectations realistic? If they are, work towards the change in small steps.

5. Do something you are good at

What do you love doing? What activities can you lose yourself in? What did you love doing in the past? Enjoying yourself helps beat stress. Doing an activity you enjoy probably means you’re good at it and achieving something boosts your self-esteem.Concentrating on a hobby like gardening or the crossword can help you forget your worries for a while and change your mood.”I’m learning the guitar.You have to really concentrate on getting it right so there’s no room in my head for worries.”It can be good to have an interest where you’re not seen as someone’s mum or dad, partner or employee. You’re just you. An hour of sketching lets you express yourself creatively. A morning on the football pitch gets you active and gives you the chance to meet new people.

Life coaching is about getting the very best out of someone. It has become one of the most popular methods of self-development around, and is used in all areas of life.

I want you to try to imagine a relationship where the total focus is on you and you alone, on what you want in life, and on discovering strategies for helping you achieve it.

Now imagine someone listening only to you, not only to the words, but also to what’s behind them. Someone who listens to the very best in you, even when you are unable to hear it yourself!

Next imagine someone who is always there for you, to guide you, support you, motivate and inspire you on your journey to achieving your dreams and aspirations. Someone who will hold you accountable and keep you moving forward.

Can you also try to imagine someone who is totally curious about your dreams, what makes you tick, what you value, what your passions in life are. A  person who will help you clarify your goals and provide the tools for action to help you get the results you want.
Imagine what it would be like if someone knew your values and life purpose and held you true to them. Someone who would encourage you to press on, someone to celebrate your victories and help you learn from your setbacks.

Also, try to imagine someone who listens to you without judgment and allows you to show emotion. Imagine you get to talk to this person every week, even when you’ve made a mess of things or when you’ve had a great success. This is the place you visit regularly and consistently…to consolidate, to integrate and to push on.

Ultimately, coach can help you find a way to realise your full potential through a process of uncovering and then eliminating destructive behavioural and thinking patterns in your life. Any goal can be achieved through coaching  by empowering you with specific tools and scientifically tested techniques that work. Coaching is a solution-focused approach to personal development that will help you make lasting changes in your life.

When you consider your own life, how readily to you spend money on holidays, clothes and cars….but how often do you spend money on your own wellbeing? Having a coach is making an investment in yourself – an investment that could totally transform your life.

When most people hear the word ‘coach’, they invariably have a picture in their mind of a sports coach. Sports coaches support and encourage the athlete to push themselves hard to reach their full potential and achieve their goals. They help them to be faster, bigger and better – something that would be hard to achieve without a coach.

The great philosopher Galileo once said “You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” This quote is profound as it sums up coaching in its purest form. Life Coaching is about living your life in keeping with what’s important to you. It enables you to:

• take stock and get clarity
• regain control and
• achieve balance in your life.

Coaching addresses all manner of issues:

• Where am I now?
• Who am I?
• Where am I going?
• What do I want?
• How do I resolve this particular issue?
• How do I sort out my often confusing and stressful life?
• Which career path should I pursue?

When explorers set off on an exhilarating journey, they may well take a guide or indeed a map. When they complete the journey and celebrate their achievement, they know they are responsible and have achieved their dream. But they also know that they probably wouldn’t have done it without the help of the guide or map. The guide did not make the journey for them, but it was there at every stage to encourage, motivate, help with the navigation and remind the explorer why they took the journey in the first place and kept them on course.
Similarly, having a coach is all about YOU and assisting YOU in finding the key, to see through the fog and to give you the tools and insight so that YOU can achieve everything you wish to achieve.
Finally, take the elastic band analogy. An elastic band stretched has energy going all ways. When you let it go, you don’t know in which direction it will fly. So, it is that energy and direction that life coaches harness and identify, encouraging the client to let go and to use those powerful and positive forces to their benefit rather than their detriment. The positive power and magic of coaching is without doubt immeasurable.

• Make sure you do your research beforehand and find out about the school, the local community and social issues. Local Authority websites provide latest Ofsted reports, performance statistics and other background information.
• Always try to visit the school before the interview to have a look round. You may see something you can talk about at the interview, and it helps break the ice.
• Read any educational supplements/papers beforehand and find out about current issues in education. There are always certain key issues in the news that you might be asked about. The BBC Education website and Teachers TV website are very useful.
• Make sure you are familiar with current government initiatives and frameworks such as Every Child Matters, the EYFS, and the new proposals for the primary curriculum.
• Before you go to the interview, make a bullet point list of your strengths and the reasons you are particularly suited to the job. Reading it before you go in will calm your nerves and boost your confidence.
• Have an outline of an activity/topic you were involved in at school that was very successful.
• Think of various scenario cases related to EAL, SEN and G&T children. Dealing with behaviour issues, parents and school staff are popular topics too. You will be expected to talk about your own experiences.
• Take a list of questions in with you. They will always ask for questions at the end. Have a notepad and pen with you. You are perfectly entitled to take time to jot some things down before responding to a question.
• Take a portfolio of work with you. This could include photographs, lesson plans, ideas for rewards you use etc. Even if you can’t use anything to help illustrate an answer, you can give the panel an option to look through it at the end.
• If you suffer from very serious nerves, you could consider seeing a hypnotherapist – they can be very effective.
• Put the interview into perspective. The less you ‘care’ about it, the easier it is to endure with steady nerves, so tell yourself that the job is not that important.
• Using a mantra is a really good idea. While travelling to the interview, choose a powerful statement to repeat over and over. I am the best person for the job/I am calm and confident, etc.
• Always smile and make eye contact with the interview panel early on. They will smile back and that will put you at ease.
• Ask for a glass of water. Take a sip when you’ve been asked a difficult question – this gives you valuable thinking time.
• Be aware of your body language and the way you are sitting. Be as upright as possible and keep your head high.
• Remember, if at first you don’t succeed then try try again. As unpleasant as they are, interviews really do get easier over time, so the more you do the less nervous (eventually) you will be.

Good luck.

There has been a lot in the news recently about how narrow the primary curriculum is in England, especially with the emphasis in recent years on teaching the basics in literacy and numeracy. There are now plans for a major shakeup of the curriculum.

The author of a recent Cambridge University report warns that too much emphasis on testing the basics could “impoverish” learning in areas such as the arts. Professor Robin Alexander says this could mean a “deficient” education.

The report says inadequacies in the primary curriculum stem from a mistaken belief that breadth in the curriculum is incompatible with improved standards in the “basics” of maths, literacy and numeracy. History, geography, science and the arts have been “squeezed out”, it argues. The report’s authors suggest learning in primary schools is skewed towards subjects which are formally tested in the national tests, used to draw up league tables.

The review suggests the primary curriculum should be “re-conceived” with 12 specific aims, which it arranges in three groups:

• The needs and capacities of the individual: wellbeing; engagement; empowerment; autonomy
• The individual in relation to others and the wider world: encouraging respect and reciprocity; promoting interdependence and sustainability; empowering local, national and global citizenship; celebrating culture and community
• Learning, knowing and doing: knowing, understanding, exploring and making sense; fostering skill; exciting the imagination; enacting dialogue.

These aims would be achieved through eight “domains”, rather than a small number of subjects. The domains would be: arts and creativity; citizenship and ethics; faith and belief; language, oracy and literacy; mathematics; physical and emotional health; place and time (geography and history); science and technology.

This seems to me to be quite similar to the framework for the Early Years Foundation Stage, along with its’ six areas of learning – the Early Learning Goals. I have always found this to be a very effective model for curriculum planning, and lends itself to a more thematic or ‘topic’ approach, which is how things were done in the late 1980s and early 1990s. It seems fundamental to me that children do not view their learning, or the world, in terms of separate compartmentalised units. In contrast, they need to see that everything is interrelated.

What are you views on this? What impact will it have on teachers?