Plain Sailing In Schools

Optimism simply means focusing on what can go right. Optimists are happier because they expect and anticipate good things to happen to them in their work life and beyond. They also see the best in every situation.

The case for optimism is a very strong one indeed. Optimists are happier, more successful, healthier, experience less stress, have better relationships and live longer. Crucially, there is plenty of evidence to support the fact that pessimists can learn to be more optimistic.

Optimism is all about how you explain the world around you. Psychologists call this your explanatory style. Your explanatory style refers to the way in which you explain the events that happen in your life, and the meaning you give to that explanation.

Your explanatory style is more than likely to determine the decisions you make and actions you take in your life. Optimists define themselves by their strengths and successes, and because of this they expect good things to happen to them. Pessimists on the other hand define themselves by their weaknesses and failures, and therefore don’t expect good things to happen to them.

In order to become more optimistic, there are two things you need to work on:

1. Close down your pessimism patterns

2.  Open up your optimism opportunities

Closing down your pessimism patterns means minimising the space you allow for negative thought patterns, and maximising the space you allow for positive thought patterns.

Martin Seligman, a renowned expert in optimism, uses the following techniques to get you out of a negative frame of mind. These act as quick fixes in moving your thinking from a negative perspective to a positive one. So, next time you start thinking negatively, ask yourself which of these techniques would work best for you.

• Remind yourself regularly off things that you have done well and are proud of.

• Activate an internal STOP mechanism, which means you shout STOP yourself if you start thinking negatively.

• Practise a positive thinking mantra – in other words, affirm positive statements about yourself.

• Stop berating yourself. Commit to accepting and learning from your mistakes.

• Write down your negative thoughts. This is a good way of getting them out there, rather than niggling away in your head.

• Write down your positive thinking mantra and keep it with you.

• Have a stack of positive thoughts at the ready. Write them down if necessary.

Quick fixes are important because optimistic (and pessimistic) thought patterns can turn into fixed ways of thinking. However, a more long-term approach to challenging your pessimistic thought patterns will reap long-term benefits.

Optimism is much more than positive thinking. While positive thinking can enhance certain situations, it does not overall improve your life experience. Optimism, on the other hand, has been shown to enhance both specific and general well-being.

Also, you need to proactively choose to be happy and seeing the good in situations. Train yourself to think “I am going to find something positive in this situation”, and you will be guaranteed great results. Try it, and see how it goes. I would love to hear more about your views on this subject, so please leave a response here.

Please get in touch with me if you would like more support with being optimistic, or try the free interactive coaching session by clicking on the blue banner on the Homepage.

There is little doubt that a key role of being a teacher is to listen carefully to what the students have to say. However, most research based on classroom observations suggests that there is often a lack of quality time for teachers to listen. This may be due to time constraints and the pressure felt by teacher to do most of their teaching through speaking, but it is also partially because they haven’t learned how to listen effectively.

Naturally, there are many occasions when teachers have an opportunity to hear a student speak, including their formal responses to open-ended questions, class discussions, and informal conversations. If teachers are convinced that young people learn through the process of expressing their thoughts and benefit from being taken seriously by the teacher, then quality time spent listening to them is more than justified.

The art of listening does not come naturally to everyone. We all have to persevere to become good listeners as it is a very important element of good communication, and ultimately is a vital teaching skill for every teacher.

As teachers, it is important to recognise that:

• young people have important things to say;
• it is courteous and polite to listen carefully;
• it models appropriate behaviour for the students to emulate;
• it enables teachers and other adults to learn more about what the students know and understand;
• other students learn from what their peers say;
• an adult at school may be the only person in the student’s life prepared to show an interest in them;
• young people need opportunities to talk about their interests, concerns and opinions;
• every young person appreciates an attentive adult;
• it helps to deepen the relationship between the teacher and the student.

It would be unfair to say that only teachers prefer to talk rather than listen to what others have to say, as this is probably preferable for most adults in whatever walk of life. However, there is little doubt that listening has to be learned and practised. Furthermore, it is possible for teachers to actually stop hearing, because their minds are elsewhere. The brain needs to be alert and focused for quality listening to take place. Listening relies on both self-discipline and being convinced that the speaker has something worth hearing.

In order for teachers to become better listeners, they need to be able to minimise any possible distractions. Distractions can come from the immediate environment, from the listener’s mind, and from the speaker. These distractions can be reduced by employing certain strategies. The teacher needs to be able to shut out environmental distractions and concentrate on the student’s words. By closely following the words, the teacher can mentally summarise the key points. Keeping eye contact can also help to minimise distractions.

TIPS TO HELP TEACHERS BECOME BETTER LISTENERS

• Develop a real interest in the speaker and what he/she has to say

• Try not to pre-empt what the speaker is going to say and fill the unspoken words

• Try to think carefully about what the words mean to the speaker

• Mentally, summarise the key points and ideas that the speaker is expressing

• Concentrate on the words and ideas that are being expressed

• Ask questions for further clarification of what is being said

• Try to understand what meaning is being conveyed beyond the actual words

• Listen with an open mind and don’t jump to conclusions

• Repeat key phrases every so often in a tone that conveys interest

• Use effective oral responses, such as “I see” or “Yes of course”

• Look directly at the speaker with reassurance

• Try not to contradict or argue with what the speaker is saying

• Allow the speaker to confirm, clarify or modify the key points

If you would like to add any points to this list or share your views on being a good listener, then it would be great to hear from you. Just leave a response here.

If you need further help with your listening skills, then please do get in touch with me or try the free interactive coaching session, by clicking on the blue banner on the homepage. I look forward to hearing from you.

Have you heard about Byron Katie and her transformative practice for all those interested in spiritual growth and personal development?

Byron Katie has known great pain and suffering in her life. In highly unusual circumstances she woke up one morning to a sudden and dramatic shift in awareness, which brought her an inner clarity. Since then she has been travelling the world demonstrating the value and simplicity of four very special questions, and how they work.

Byron’s practice, known simply as The Work, allows you to go inside yourself and find your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever-waiting. She strongly believes that anyone is capable of ending their own suffering, whatever it may be. Have a go at the following exercise, which very much sums up what The Work is all about and can be applied to many situations.

Choose a person or situation and write down, using short, simple sentences, who or what it is. Point the finger of blame or judgement outward. Write from your present position and your point of view.

1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about them that you didn’t or still don’t like?

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

3. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give you or do in order for you to be happy?

4. What do you think of them? Make a list.

5. What is it that you don’t ever want to experience with that person, thing or situation again?

Now, one by one, put each of your answers up against the four questions below, and then turn around the statement you’re working on. Throughout the process, practice being open to possibilities beyond what you think you know. This is a way of discovering your don’t -know mind. Keep asking the question and wait. Let the answer find you.

Here are the four questions of The Work:

1. Is it true?

Take your time. There is no right or wrong answer. Just listen for your answer.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

This is an opportunity to go into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what we think we know.

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

Make a list. How do you treat yourself, how do you treat the person you’ve written about, when you think that thought? What do you do? Be specific.

4. What would you do without the thought?

Close your eyes and wait. Imagine yourself just for a moment without that thought. What do you see? How does it feel? How is the situation different?

Now turn it around – rewrite the statement. This time write it as if it were written about you. Where you have written someone’s name, put yourself. Instead of “he” or “she”, put “I”. Consider whether or not the turn-around statement is as true as or truer than your original statement.

Now it’s time for you to continue applying the four questions and the turnaround to your own judgements, one at a time. Read all the sentences that you originally wrote and then one by one investigate each statement by asking yourself the four questions.

For more information about Byron Katie and The Work visit www.thework.org. If you would like try her online coaching programme, just click on Start Now! on the banner below. Good luck with The Work.

Please leave a response if you would like to ask me any questions about The Work, or indeed if you would like to share your experiences of implementing it.

Visualisation is an incredibly powerful technique to help you make important changes in your life. It involves trying to picture, in as much detail as possible, the results that you want.

The boxer Muhammad Ali used this technique frequently. He called it a ‘future history’. When Ali agreed to fight somebody, he would run through the fight in his imagination right up to the moment when he had won. He would then freeze the winning mental image and become aware of all the senses as if he were there at that very moment. His future history was experienced in such detail that subconsciously he believed it had already happened.

You can use this technique on anything in your life. For example, on a day at work – what do you absolutely intend to achieve today? Or if you’ve got into the habit of letting weekends slip away not having done very much, you can use this technique to change all that. How would you like things to be on Sunday night when the weekend comes to an end? How would you like to be feeling? How about the other people in your life? Partners? Children?

And then there are the things in your life you don’t want to do – that tax return, that tricky piece of DIY, the difficult phone call you have to make. Visualising how you will feel when the thing is done is a fantastic way to get you focused and motivated. This is one of the major techniques I use with my clients in all my coaching.

So basically, if you don’t like what you see in your life, then you can change it by imagining how you would like it to be. What I would like you to do now is answer the questions below. Write the answers down. The questions are in no particular order, and don’t worry if there is some overlap between the answers to the questions. The main purpose is to get you thinking about the alternatives to what you are doing at the moment. Good luck.

1. How would you like things to be? What would be the best possible outcome when you make the changes you’re going to make?

2. Who are the other people involved in all of this – people like your boss, your spouse or partner, your children, your customers?

3. How would these people be affected if things were to change? What would it mean to them?

4. Would each of them have to buy-in to the change? Would this be a problem if so?

5. Why would they want to buy into it?

6. Why do you want things to change?

7. Imagine life when you have made the transition. What would a typical day/week be like? Be specific. What will you do? What will be your routine?

8. Think of each of the people you have identified in the answer to question 2 above. If you make this change, what will they be saying about you?

9. How will you feel?

10. Will you have changed as a person? If so, how?

11. What will be your ambitions/hopes/dreams once you’ve accomplished this change?

12. Will your standard of living have changed? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

13. Will your view of yourself have changed? If so, how?

14. Do you think it would be difficult to accomplish this change?

15. Would it be worth doing?

16. Could it fail?

17. How would you feel if it did? What would you do?

Has visualisation brought you success and achievement in your life? If so, please leave a response. I would love to find out more.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend you read Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret, which has a whole section on visualisation.