Plain Sailing In Schools

The world is full of victims, and by this I mean people who think their problems are nothing to do with them and everything to do with a world that is unfair.

Take a look at these, and see if any of them apply to you:

• You want others to know that you have had a bad time
• You think everything that happens to you is ‘unfair’
• You believe it is always other people who get the breaks
• You feel secretly pleased when others feel sorry for you
• You see the world through the eyes of defeat

If you can identify with most of the above, then I suspect you are one of those people who believe the world is out to get you. You probably feel that you are at the mercy of everything. The media doesn’t help, as newspapers and TV programmes are saturated with people telling us what terrible lives they have.

There is a growing blame culture out there. For many, it’s always the fault of someone else that their partner left them, that they are overweight etc. We are surrounded by images of ‘normal’ life as never having problems, difficulties, obstacles and arguments. But the truth is that the challenge of life is actually about overcoming the difficulties to get the things you want.

It’s not always easy to get what you want out of life, but whoever said that life had to be easy? Sometimes, even when you put 100% effort into something, it still doesn’t turn out how you want it to. That’s just how things are sometimes. Unfortunately, many so-called victims believe that what has happened to them has nothing to do with their own actions – largely because they have chosen to take a certain view of the world. Victims believe that the world revolves around them.

Victims frequently appear to not care so much about others because they are self-absorbed. They are always ready to tell you how much harder their life is.

At the end of the day, victims may feel like the world has screwed them up, but ultimately they need to sort their lives out. If this is you, why not try these:

• Give yourself a different label: Change the way you think about yourself in a more positive way. If you are a self-pitying, overweight alcoholic, then you will remain one. People who think in a more positive way actually believe they can become what they think they are.
• Rid yourself of destructive behaviour: Try to be around people who can support you, and not those who are negative influences. Involve yourself with people who are also interested in self improvement.
• Act instead of talking about it: Stop making excuses all the time. If you feel you are about to start moaning or complaining about something, change the subject and/or your thoughts straight away. Try the 20 Second Rule, where you focus completely on something positive for 20 seconds.
• Stop comparing yourself to others: Don’t measure yourself by the achievements, successes, deeds and possessions of others. You may admire some of these people, but you don’t need to waste valuable time worrying about what others have got. Focus on your own life and goals, and put all your energy into building the life you want.
• Make the most out of the worst: Successful people tend to be able to use times of difficulty to reinvent themselves and change their lives. They don’t think like victims, instead they learn from their misfortunes, bad luck and mistakes.

So, don’t let self-pity and feeling like a victim take control of your life and destroy all the chances you have of being happy and successful.

John Bird (2006) states:

You are no longer a victim if:

• You do not believe the world owes you a living
• You know you have to go through thorns to find roses
• You refuse to hang around with victims
• You know the grass is not always greener on the other side
• You refuse to use your past as an excuse
• You take setbacks as an opportunity to gain strength
• You spend more time thinking about others
• You replace excuses with action.

It would be great to hear your views on this post, so please leave a response.

If any of these issues are affecting your life, please get in touch with me.