The boxer Muhammad Ali used this technique frequently. He called it a ‘future history’. When Ali agreed to fight somebody, he would run through the fight in his imagination right up to the moment when he had won. He would then freeze the winning mental image and become aware of all the senses as if he were there at that very moment. His future history was experienced in such detail that subconsciously he believed it had already happened.

You can use this technique on anything in your life. For example, on a day at work – what do you absolutely intend to achieve today? Or if you’ve got into the habit of letting weekends slip away not having done very much, you can use this technique to change all that. How would you like things to be on Sunday night when the weekend comes to an end? How would you like to be feeling? How about the other people in your life? Partners? Children?

And then there are the things in your life you don’t want to do – that tax return, that tricky piece of DIY, the difficult phone call you have to make. Visualising how you will feel when the thing is done is a fantastic way to get you focused and motivated. This is one of the major techniques I use with my clients in all my coaching.

So basically, if you don’t like what you see in your life, then you can change it by imagining how you would like it to be. What I would like you to do now is answer the questions below. Write the answers down. The questions are in no particular order, and don’t worry if there is some overlap between the answers to the questions. The main purpose is to get you thinking about the alternatives to what you are doing at the moment. Good luck.

1. How would you like things to be? What would be the best possible outcome when you make the changes you’re going to make?

2. Who are the other people involved in all of this – people like your boss, your spouse or partner, your children, your customers?

3. How would these people be affected if things were to change? What would it mean to them?

4. Would each of them have to buy-in to the change? Would this be a problem if so?

5. Why would they want to buy into it?

6. Why do you want things to change?

7. Imagine life when you have made the transition. What would a typical day/week be like? Be specific. What will you do? What will be your routine?

8. Think of each of the people you have identified in the answer to question 2 above. If you make this change, what will they be saying about you?

9. How will you feel?

10. Will you have changed as a person? If so, how?

11. What will be your ambitions/hopes/dreams once you’ve accomplished this change?

12. Will your standard of living have changed? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

13. Will your view of yourself have changed? If so, how?

14. Do you think it would be difficult to accomplish this change?

15. Would it be worth doing?

16. Could it fail?

17. How would you feel if it did? What would you do?

Has visualisation brought you success and achievement in your life? If so, please leave a response. I would love to find out more.

In the meantime, I strongly recommend you read Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret, which has a whole section on visualisation.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne talks about how the process of visualisation has been taught by all the great teachers and avatars throughout the centuries. Think of the great inventors and inventions such as Thomas Edison and he light bulb, or Alexander Graham Bell and the telephone. These things were only created because the inventors had a picture in their minds. They saw it clearly, and by holding that picture of the end result in their minds, all the forces of the Universe brought the inventions into the world, through them. The secret also is to not just create a static picture in your mind, but to create lots of movement in the picture.

Genevieve Behrend (1881-1960) said: “Everyone visualises whether he knows it or not. Visualising is the great secret of success. We all possess more power and greater possibilities than we realise, and visualising is one of the greatest of these powers.”

Now of course, many people find this a very difficult process, and therefore I would like to share some ideas with you about creating vision boards. The idea behind these boards is that by surrounding yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to go on holiday, your life changes to match those images and those desires. Before you set about making a board, you need to sit quietly and set the intent. With lots of kindness and openness, ask yourself what it is you want. Images should start coming into your head and slowly you will begin to create your vision. The process can be quite a deep experience. Some people like to put on music as they are doing this.

The next step is to find the images you would like to use. You may have some photographs, but your best bet is to go through magazines, newspapers, catalogues and brochures. It is also a good idea to look for key words and phrases too. Some people like to type their own favourite quotations or powerful words to incorporate into the images on their vision board. You can have lots of fun doing this, but ultimately you need to make a pile of appropriate images and words.

Then you need to start putting your favourite images onto a board. This could be poster board, thick cardboard, or even a piece of plywood. Start to discard the images that you don’t think will work. As you begin to lay the images on the board, you will begin to get a greater sense of what you want to achieve. Some people like to asign different corners of the board for different aspects of their lives, or you might prefer to have a series of small boards. I personally prefer to use images that summarise my overall goal that I am working towards. Then you can start sticking onto the board. You can add writing, which you can paint on, or write with markers, or use printed words. Make sure you leave a space in the middle to put a great photo of yourself – although this is optional. Then hang your board in a place where you will see it often.

There are many different types of vision boards for different purposes. One such is the “I Know Exactly What I Want” Board. This would be where you are very clear about your desires, or you want to change your surroundings, or if there is a specific thing you want to manifest into your life. People who are trying to lose weight often use images of people to illustrate their perfect body type. I know of someone who wanted a new bathroom, so she had images of her perfect bathroom suite and decor.

The “Opening and Allowing” vision board is for when you are not too sure what you want, or if you have been in a period of depression and grief. In other words, you may have some clear vision of what you want, but are unsure about some aspect of it. Or, you may know what you wantto change, but don’t know how it’s possible. With this type of board, you need to collect images that give you a great feeling of happiness and joy. Don’t question why, just collect the pictures spontaneously. Then, look at each picture and ask what it is telling you about you. It may not give you an answer straight away, but in time it will. This type of board can be a powerful guide for you and can go much deeper than the first type of board, as it goes much deeper than just getting what you want.

A third board is the “Theme” board. This works well if you are working on one particular area of your life, such as love and relationships, or work and career. It’s also effective for starting a new cycle in your life, such as the New Year or a birthday.

You can use a combination of all three boards. It might start out as one and then develop into a completely different type. It’s important to be creative and go along with the whole process and where it takes you. Good luck if you decide to give this a try, and let me know how you get on with it. Even better, email me some photographs of your board(s).

John Gibson says that such experience does not prepare children for adult life and schools should challenge this.

Playing conkers and mending bikes helped children in later life, John Gibson told the ISA’s annual conference. Recent research suggests 5 to 16-year-olds are spending up to six hours a day online or watching television.

Mr. Gibson, who is head of Stoke College in Suffolk, said “playing out” as a child and taking part in activities such as putting an oily chain back on a bike, or playing conkers, exposed children to emotions such as disappointment which would prepare them for adulthood.

In his speech to the conference, he said: “When your life is lived through images constructed by a technical genius from Silicon Valley played on high definition screens, I just feel it will be more difficult to experience those important rehearsals for life.”

He went on: “When William Wordsworth wrote 150 years ago that ’shades of the prison-house begin to close upon the growing boy’ I believed he was talking mainly about school. But today’s prison-house is just as likely to be the home, a seductive, comfortable prison for boys and girls whose nimble fingers are adept at working their mobiles and computer games, but have never used them to play conkers.”

He told ISA members – heads of independent schools in England and Wales – that they should offer children a diversity and excellence of experience to challenge the culture of technology in which they live outside school.

In doing so, they should always pay attention to assessing risk, while preparing children for the world they would grow up in, he added.

In a survey by Childwise research agency last autumn, 1,800 children were asked how much time they spent either watching television, on the internet or playing on games consoles.

The survey suggested the children were spending 2.7 hours a day on average watching television, 1.5 hours on the internet and 1.3 hours on games consoles.

A casualty of this amount of screen time had been reading, it suggested. The children questioned were spending just over half an hour a day reading. In particular, older boys were resistant to reading, with 42% of 11 to 16-year-olds saying they never read books for pleasure.

However, playing sport still appeared to be a major part of young people’s lives, representing nearly five hours per week.

What are your views on these findings? Are you a teacher who has noticed the impact on children’s learning. Please leave a response.

So why is it that we rarely have the chance to reflect? Think about how many times you have been in a situation where you have really struggled to put your thoughts together in a cohesive way.  Have you ever been in a situation where you felt rushed because of time constraints, and then when you tried to verbalise your thoughts, all the words came out in the wrong way?

To give some examples of when either of these could occur, think job interviews, an important meeting, a presentation to an audience, or an appointment with a doctor or a solicitor. Bearing all of these scenarios in mind, how often have you been put on the spot to give an answer or make a decision, but because of the pressure you were under, what you said was not the best you could have chosen?

To take this even further, how many times have you come away from one of these scenarios and then suddenly everything you should have said miraculously comes into your head? Maybe there have been times when you wish you had planned better by thinking through beforehand about what you wanted to ask or say.

The main point being made here is that in our fast-moving lives, full of stress and a great deal of information overload, we rarely find good quality time to reflect. In simply meeting the day-to-day demands of our everyday lives, all too often there is no time left over for reflection about where our lives are leading or, even more important, where it is supposed to lead. It is so easy to lose sight of long-term goals when you are busy dealing with more immediate challenges. Even in our schools today, timetables are so full with subject content involving the learning of knowledge, that children are rarely given time, or taught, to think and to reflect. These skills are vital for a whole range of activities in our rapidly changing world, such as: problem-solving, evaluating, assessing, adapting and modifying – to name just a few.

So why is the ability to reflect so important and what exactly does it involve? The verb ‘to reflect’ originates from the Latin word ‘reflectere’ – meaning to bend back. By a simpler definition, to reflect involves thinking and/or expressing carefully considered thoughts. If we look at the noun ‘reflection’, its sense comes out much stronger – it means a thought or opinion resulting from careful consideration during mental concentration. To give an example in relation to the earlier scenarios, you could say after an interview: “Upon reflection, I wish I had expressed my opinions and ideas more clearly.” In many ways, that sentence highlights the major problem – there was no time for reflection during the event, and this is very common in our lives.

Effective and excellent coaching should always involve a great deal of thinking and reflecting. These are vital ingredients for a coach to be able to take the coachee forward and help them find solutions and pathways to facilitate the necessary changes required. It’s a two-way process – the coach frequently reflects on the required action and strategies appropriate for the coachee, and the coachee reflects a lot on how they are going to take the action and what obstacles or barriers they might encounter along the way.

Up unto now, coaching has traditionally been carried out on a one-on-one basis – either face-to-face or over the telephone. Modern technology, as rapidly changing as it is, even now allows us to talk over the internet with a headset and speakers. The next step on from this was only ever going to be a short matter of time away – namely eLearning based programmes with automated responses and/or feedback via email. And now, Coaching Interactive has arrived to bring affordable and reflective coaching to the masses, wherever they are and at whatever time.

The beauty of interactive online coaching is that, unlike traditional one-on-one coaching, it allows more quality time for reflection in a choice of environments – many of which are much more conducive to reflective thinking. Going back to the scenarios outlined earlier in this chapter, most of those situations contain factors which inhibit reflective thinking – such as limited time, feelings of anxiety or nervousness, being intimidated, and simply not feeling comfortable in a highly pressurised environment. Coaching Interactive enables the coachee  to work through coaching programmes in the comfort of their own home and at a time that is most suited to them. In fact, you can take as much time as you need before committing to answering a question – and if you change your mind, you can go back to it and make amendments.

The coaching environment is a key element of effective coaching and getting productive results from a client. In this light, there are certain characteristics of environments that can promote and support reflective thought. The table below illustrates the extent to which Coaching Interactive meets these characteristics.

Characteristics of environments supporting reflective thinking	Coaching Interactive……..
Provide enough wait-time to reflect before responding.	enables clients to take as much time as they want to type answers to questions and to save drafts that can be returned to and edited as many times as is necessary.
Prompt thoughts by asking questions that seek reasons and evidence.	Programmes have questionnaires built into them with many open-ended questions to enable the client to really analyse their thoughts.
Provide good explanations to guide thought processes.	Programmes are carefully structured in a step-by-step approach. Each step is very clearly explained in easy to understand language.
Provide a less-structured environment that prompts a person to explore what they really think is important.	provides many opportunities for clients to give their views and opinions on issues affecting their lives, for example by identifying and exploring their values and beliefs.
Provide a reflective journal, as an aid to the process of recording and analysing actions, thoughts and feelings.	provides a built-in system of storing data such as questionnaires, emails, tasks and the online calendar – all of which form a personal journal for the client.

The Reflective Journal is a method that most coaches introduce to their clients and is most effective as support for the whole coaching process. The written word, or in this case the typed word, is an excellent way of reflecting. By recording your experiences, thoughts and feelings in a systematic way, it enables you to analyse what you have written and as a consequence gain more insight. Increased insight is another very important part of being coached, especially in terms of planning life goals and how you are going to get to where you want to be. It is also the ideal way of identifying the barriers and obstacles you may encounter along the way, and which potentially may jeopardise your progress towards achieving your goals and aspirations.

Many people who keep daily diaries find this an excellent way to reflect on a range of everyday problems and situations – perhaps by asking themselves: What went well? What didn’t? Why? How do I feel about it? By writing these things down, thoughts and emotions are allowed to gradually come to the surface. You could say that reflective writing is essentially a kind of loose processing of thoughts and feelings about an incident, a situation, an event, or any experience at all.

All the data a client enters by answering questions in any of the programmes on Coaching Interactive is stored within their journal and can be returned to and amended over and over again. Time restrictions within traditional one-on-one coaching sessions do not allow as much for this level of re-visiting and re-thinking. It is the perfect way of fine-tuning your thoughts and reflections, facilitating a much greater chance of success and achievement. This level of repetition, often by going over something several times, helps to give a broader view and check nothing has been missed. Again, this is an experience we are so rarely afforded in our lives – whether it is as a student in the classroom or as a potential employee in the interview. This type of online reflection is an extremely useful way of getting the best out of someone, which is one of the main priorities for any coach.

The coach too, during interactive coaching, can record notes in response to a client’s answers to the questionnaires and refer to these when planning future sessions. The coach can also set tasks for the coachee and the calendar system acts as reminder of what needs to be done. All of these processes contribute to building up a reflective journal for each coachee. It can really help confidence by being able to look back over a journal and see progress, how difficulties were dealt with, and how the ideas have moved on.

Another very important element of reflection is that it turns experience into meaningful learning, helps us to make sense of the world around us and to learn from previous experience. How many times have you looked back on an event, thought about what happened and then considered what you would do differently in the future? These experiences can sometimes become blurred unless they are written down. When you are in an interview it is extremely hard to stand back and reflect when you are so caught up in the nerves of the interview. ‘Standing back’ helps give a better view or perspective on an experience, issue or action.

Coaching Interactive provides a structured step-by-step process to help you think about the issues in your life and what can be learned from them. Many of the questions are designed to help you reflect on events, situations and feelings in your life. This reflective process is illustrated in the following table.

1.     Identify the experience, situation, or event which occurred.	For example, a failed relationship.
2.     Describe the experience or situation.	What happened? Who was involved? What did you do? Why did you do what did you do? How did this affect you?
3.     Analyse the experience or situation.	What were you thinking or feeling? What was good and bad about the experience? What skills were used or developed? What were the consequences of your actions for yourself and others?
4.     Learn from the experience or situation.	What else could you have done? If it happened again what would you do differently? How can you improve your knowledge and skills? How can you use what you learned from the experience in your future practice?

Perhaps one of the greatest benefits of online coaching is that the level of reflection it allows enables the coachee to express deeper honesty. Reflection is often associated with ’striving for truth’, and online it is much easier for people to acknowledge things that they find difficult to admit in the normal course of events. Face-to-face coaching or one-on-one coaching over the telephone can often lead to feelings of being put on the spot or embarrassment. Are clients always totally honest in these situations? Do they not sometimes feel awkward about telling the coach certain things that they think will make them look silly? These issues are much less likely to arise online, as there is a certain level of anonymity attached to it and far less fear of being judged.

Ultimately, reflecting about your life through an online coaching programme can also bring much greater clarity, like seeing events literally reflected in a mirror. This can help at any stage of planning, carrying out and reviewing activities. It also enables more balanced judgements to be made by taking everything into account, and not just the obvious. If you forget what you said in the previous session, you have the option to look back and review your statements and observations.

Finally to conclude, it would be useful to examine the thoughts of John Dewey, who is one of the most renowned writers about reflective thinking. He said:

“We all acknowledge, in words at least, that ability to think is highly important; it is regarded as the distinguishing power that marks man from the lower animals. But since our ordinary notions of how and why thinking is important are vague, it is worthwhile to state explicitly the values possessed by reflective thought. In the first place, it emancipates us from merely impulsive and merely routine activity. Put in positive terms, thinking enables us to direct our activities with foresight and to plan according to ends-in-view, or to come into command of what is now distant and lacking. By putting the consequences of different ways and lines of action before the mind, it enables us to know what we are about when we act. It converts action that is merely appetitive, blind and impulsive into intelligent action.” (p.212, John Dewey on Education, University of Chicago Press, 1974)

Dewey makes several key points here that not only highlight the benefits of reflective thinking, but also how online coaching provides greater opportunities for this to take place. For example, he mentions “merely impulsive and routine activity” – this surely illustrates how people generally go about their lives, especially when faced with a challenge. In an interview, most of the answers we give are impulsive as there is little time to truly reflect. However, in answering important questions about yourself and your life through an online questionnaire, you are able to take your time and perfect your responses by changing it as often as you wish – giving a much more honest and accurate answer.

Dewey explains how thinking “enables us to direct our activities with foresight and to plan accordingly to ends-in-view”. How many people in their everyday lives plan with great foresight? Generally, they have ideas floating around in their heads about what they would like to do or achieve, but how rigorously is this planned for? Many people are afraid to plan and set goals because they fear failure. What they don’t realise is that achieving the goal isn’t half as important as setting it and then taking massive action towards its attainment. Coaching Interactive enables the coachee to focus through reflection and prepare for taking action – “intelligent action”, as Dewey calls it. We all know that the harder you prepare, the greater the chances of success.

Lastly, to return to Confucius – we are all constantly searching for greater wisdom. Wisdom that will help enhance our lives so that we can be as happy, successful and productive in all our endeavours, as is possible.  At last, the convenience of the internet, skilled coaches and powerful online tools, are combined to enable anybody to learn wisdom through structured and effective reflection.

Why not try a FREE interactive online coaching session now?Just go to the home page and click on the blue banner.

Let me know how you get on with it.

]]> http://plainsailinginschools.com/about-coaching/the-power-of-interactive-online-coaching/feed 0 http://plainsailinginschools.com/coaching-tips/how-to-stop-thinking-like-a-victim http://plainsailinginschools.com/coaching-tips/how-to-stop-thinking-like-a-victim#comments Wed, 13 May 2009 14:56:14 +0000 Ian Barrett http://plainsailinginschools.com/?p=298 The world is full of victims, and by this I mean people who think their problems are nothing to do with them and everything to do with a world that is unfair.

Take a look at these, and see if any of them apply to you:

• You want others to know that you have had a bad time
• You think everything that happens to you is ‘unfair’
• You believe it is always other people who get the breaks
• You feel secretly pleased when others feel sorry for you
• You see the world through the eyes of defeat

If you can identify with most of the above, then I suspect you are one of those people who believe the world is out to get you. You probably feel that you are at the mercy of everything. The media doesn’t help, as newspapers and TV programmes are saturated with people telling us what terrible lives they have.

There is a growing blame culture out there. For many, it’s always the fault of someone else that their partner left them, that they are overweight etc. We are surrounded by images of ‘normal’ life as never having problems, difficulties, obstacles and arguments. But the truth is that the challenge of life is actually about overcoming the difficulties to get the things you want.

It’s not always easy to get what you want out of life, but whoever said that life had to be easy? Sometimes, even when you put 100% effort into something, it still doesn’t turn out how you want it to. That’s just how things are sometimes. Unfortunately, many so-called victims believe that what has happened to them has nothing to do with their own actions – largely because they have chosen to take a certain view of the world. Victims believe that the world revolves around them.

Victims frequently appear to not care so much about others because they are self-absorbed. They are always ready to tell you how much harder their life is.

At the end of the day, victims may feel like the world has screwed them up, but ultimately they need to sort their lives out. If this is you, why not try these:

• Give yourself a different label: Change the way you think about yourself in a more positive way. If you are a self-pitying, overweight alcoholic, then you will remain one. People who think in a more positive way actually believe they can become what they think they are.
• Rid yourself of destructive behaviour: Try to be around people who can support you, and not those who are negative influences. Involve yourself with people who are also interested in self improvement.
• Act instead of talking about it: Stop making excuses all the time. If you feel you are about to start moaning or complaining about something, change the subject and/or your thoughts straight away. Try the 20 Second Rule, where you focus completely on something positive for 20 seconds.
• Stop comparing yourself to others: Don’t measure yourself by the achievements, successes, deeds and possessions of others. You may admire some of these people, but you don’t need to waste valuable time worrying about what others have got. Focus on your own life and goals, and put all your energy into building the life you want.
• Make the most out of the worst: Successful people tend to be able to use times of difficulty to reinvent themselves and change their lives. They don’t think like victims, instead they learn from their misfortunes, bad luck and mistakes.

So, don’t let self-pity and feeling like a victim take control of your life and destroy all the chances you have of being happy and successful.

John Bird (2006) states:

You are no longer a victim if:

• You do not believe the world owes you a living
• You know you have to go through thorns to find roses
• You refuse to hang around with victims
• You know the grass is not always greener on the other side
• You refuse to use your past as an excuse
• You take setbacks as an opportunity to gain strength
• You spend more time thinking about others
• You replace excuses with action.

It would be great to hear your views on this post, so please leave a response.

If any of these issues are affecting your life, please get in touch with me.

Like most coaches, I spend a lot of time helping clients eradicate their negative beliefs and then form new empowering ones to enable them to achieve their goals. This is crucial as hanging on to destructive negative beliefs can result in a great deal of unhappiness, lack of confidence, and low self-esteem.

When I read The Key by Joe Vitale, I was struck by a section written by the author Mandy Evans. I would like to share some of this with you. I have tried her strategy myself several times and have personally found it a very powerful and effective tool. Some of you may be familiar with it, especially those of you who have incorporated elements of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy into your coaching methods.

As we all know, coaching can help improve anything in a person’s life, from relationships to finances, but this is only truly possible when the person discovers the hidden beliefs that hold him or her back. As soon as they have been identified, then they are more able to start questioning them to see if they are still true to them in the clear light of day. It is completely possible for anyone to free themselves from painful emotions like fear, anger or guilt by finding and breaking down the beliefs that cause them and keep them stuck inside.

The beliefs that block happiness and success are among the most limiting and self-defeating of all. If you can get rid of them and feel happy and clear, you are much more likely to make choices and take actions that lead down a very different path from one you take in anger or fear.

Mandy Evans suggests the method of a question-and-answer Option Dialogue. It’s a bit like an interview with yourself. I would strongly recommend to my clients that they use a journal to record their answers, as this is an excellent way to track progress made.

Before you start, it is important to accept yourself just as you are. If you start judging yourself too much as you delve into those feelings and beliefs, it will then be more difficult to see clearly or tell yourself the truth. Go through the process slowly and use this time to discover as much as you possibly can about your feelings and beliefs.

Mandy Evans says that “You have to be willing to go through some confusion. As your beliefs change, your version of reality breaks up and reforms – disorienting, to say the least! These questions and answers weave around sometimes. They make more sense when you ask them about your feelings and your beliefs.”

Here are the questions:

1.    What are you unhappy about? Or angry, guilty, worried, for example. This question helps you get specific about your feeling and what it is about.
2.    Why are you unhappy about that? Our reasons for feeling bad are different from what we feel bad about. Our reasons are beliefs.
3.    What are you concerned would happen if you were not unhappy about that? This odd-sounding question helps you find any fear or concern you have about the feeling going away. We are often reluctant to part with a feeling even if it is painful.
4.    Do you believe that?
5.    Why do you believe that?
6.    What are you concerned would happen if you did not believe that? Sometimes we hold on to a long-held belief even if proves limiting or causes unhappiness. What are your concerns? Do they still seem real to you?
I would now like to share with you the outcome of doing an Open Dialogue with myself.

What are you unhappy about?
Answer: Young people in our society and how they have a lack of respect for others and seem to have little focus, purpose or direction.

Why are you unhappy about that?
Answer: Nobody seems to be able to get to the root of the problem, and parents and schools appear to be helpless in giving these young people the right support.

What are you concerned would happen if you were not unhappy about that?
Answer: That perhaps I wouldn’t speak out and give my ideas and suggestions, and that things would get even worse in the future. I fear that we may end up with a generation who are unable to care for one another.

Do you believe that?
Answer: To a large extent yes.

Why do you believe that?
Answer: I read so much about it and listen to reports on the radio about disaffected young people, street crime and lack of discipline at home and at school.

What are you concerned about would happen if you were not unhappy about that?
Answer: That I wouldn’t bother to do anything about it. That I wouldn’t be motivated to work on developing effective coaching programmes for young people.

Doing this exercise was enough to make me start to be more proactive in my quest to help these youngsters. I have been saying for months that I must get the ball rolling to start developing appropriate coaching programmes. I wrote down a list of contacts I know who would be interested in this field of coaching; a teenager coach, a coach who already has a programme in place, learning mentors that work in schools, and the list went on. If you know of anyone to add to my list, please do get in touch.

Clearly, this process has spurred me on to take more action and look for ways to make a difference.

Mandy Evans says “If someone asked me to review everything I learned in my whole life and give just one piece of helpful advice, it would be this – always question unhappiness. Never take feeling bad for granted. Happiness is the grand prize in the game of life, and you can award it to yourself!”

I would encourage you to try out this type of Open Dialogue in a journal. Use this process on an emotion you may be feeling right now. Think of something you want to be, do, or have. If you haven’t attracted it yet, how do you feel about it? Take that emotion and work with it in your journal.

Good luck, and it would be great to hear your views on this technique.

1. Talk about your feelings

Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good  mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled. Talking about your feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s part of taking charge of your wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy. Talking can be a way to cope with a problem you’ve been carrying around in your head for a while. Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone. And it works both ways. If you open up, it might encourage others to do the same. It’s not always easy to describe how you’re feeling. If you can’t think of one word, use lots. What does it feel like inside your head? What does it make you feel like doing?  You don’t need to sit your loved ones down for a big conversation about your wellbeing. Many people feel more comfortable when these conversations develop naturally – maybe when you’re doing something together. If it feels awkward at first, give it time. Make talking about your feelings something that you do.

2. Ask for help

None of us are superhuman. We all sometimes get tired or overwhelmed by how we feel or when things go wrong. If things are getting too much for you and you feel you can’t cope, ask for help. Your family or friends may be able to offer practical help or a listening ear. Local services are there to help you. Your GP may be able to refer you to a counsellor, or you may decide that getting a life coach and planning for a better future might be a better option. You should consider getting help from your GP if difficult feelings are stopping you from getting on with life; or having an impact on the people you live or work with; or affecting your mood over several weeks. Over a third of visits to GPs are about mental health. Your GP may suggest ways you or your family can help you. Or they may refer you to a specialist or another part of the health service. Life coaching is becoming increasingly popular these days, as unlike some counselling, the coaching focuses on uncovering limiting beliefs and planning goals for the future. It is proving to be very effective in overcoming mental health issues.

3. Take a break

A change of scene or a change of pace is good for your mental health. It could be a five-minute pause from cleaning your kitchen, a half-hour lunch break at work or a weekend exploring somewhere new. A few minutes can be enough to de-stress you. Give yourself some ‘me time’. “Sometimes when I’m sitting on the bus, I let my thoughts flow and it really helps me.”Taking a break may mean being very active. It may mean not doing very much at all. Take a deep breath… and relax. Try yoga or meditation, or just putting your feet up. Listen to your body. If you’re really tired, give yourself time to sleep. Without good sleep, our mental health suffers and our concentration goes downhill. Sometimes the world can wait.

4. Accept who you are

Some of us make people laugh, some are good at maths, others cook fantastic meals. Some of us share our lifestyle with the people who live close to us, others live very differently. We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Feeling good about yourself boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and make new friends. Good self-esteem helps you cope when life takes a difficult turn.”Being happy with who I am now means I enjoy living in the moment.” Be proud of who you are. Recognise and accept what you are not good at, but focus on what you can do well.  Work out if there’s anything about yourself that you still want to change. Are your expectations realistic? If they are, work towards the change in small steps.

5. Do something you are good at

What do you love doing? What activities can you lose yourself in? What did you love doing in the past? Enjoying yourself helps beat stress. Doing an activity you enjoy probably means you’re good at it and achieving something boosts your self-esteem.Concentrating on a hobby like gardening or the crossword can help you forget your worries for a while and change your mood.”I’m learning the guitar.You have to really concentrate on getting it right so there’s no room in my head for worries.”It can be good to have an interest where you’re not seen as someone’s mum or dad, partner or employee. You’re just you. An hour of sketching lets you express yourself creatively. A morning on the football pitch gets you active and gives you the chance to meet new people.

I want you to try to imagine a relationship where the total focus is on you and you alone, on what you want in life, and on discovering strategies for helping you achieve it.

Now imagine someone listening only to you, not only to the words, but also to what’s behind them. Someone who listens to the very best in you, even when you are unable to hear it yourself!

Next imagine someone who is always there for you, to guide you, support you, motivate and inspire you on your journey to achieving your dreams and aspirations. Someone who will hold you accountable and keep you moving forward.

Can you also try to imagine someone who is totally curious about your dreams, what makes you tick, what you value, what your passions in life are. A  person who will help you clarify your goals and provide the tools for action to help you get the results you want.
Imagine what it would be like if someone knew your values and life purpose and held you true to them. Someone who would encourage you to press on, someone to celebrate your victories and help you learn from your setbacks.

Also, try to imagine someone who listens to you without judgment and allows you to show emotion. Imagine you get to talk to this person every week, even when you’ve made a mess of things or when you’ve had a great success. This is the place you visit regularly and consistently…to consolidate, to integrate and to push on.

Ultimately, coach can help you find a way to realise your full potential through a process of uncovering and then eliminating destructive behavioural and thinking patterns in your life. Any goal can be achieved through coaching  by empowering you with specific tools and scientifically tested techniques that work. Coaching is a solution-focused approach to personal development that will help you make lasting changes in your life.

When you consider your own life, how readily to you spend money on holidays, clothes and cars….but how often do you spend money on your own wellbeing? Having a coach is making an investment in yourself – an investment that could totally transform your life.

We all know that to get good results we have to take new actions, and of course all our actions start from a decision: the power of decision is the power of change. After all, it is our decisions, not the conditions of our lives that determine our destiny. So, what would happen if you could always make the right decisions to help you feel happier, earn a better living, become more successful, have a better relationship, or improve virtually any area of your life?

Maybe you need to make a decision to give up smoking or drinking. Maybe you want to find a way to lose weight and get fitter. Maybe you need to find a new job or make your business more successful. Maybe it is a decision to study and develop some new skills to allow you to earn more. Maybe you simply want to start each day with a better attitude, no longer blame others and figure out some new action to make your life better. The trouble is that most people find it incredibly hard to make some of these decisions on their own.

Do you know what the major force is that controls your decisions? The force that influences how you think and feel all the time, and determines how you feel about everything that occurs in your life? That force is your beliefs. The problem is that the majority of people have a whole load of self-limiting beliefs that can almost cripple them, and they have no idea how to eradicate them and create new empowering beliefs.

Most people have something they want to change in their lives, but they do not know how to do it. The obvious way to change things is to change what you are focusing on. Focus controls how you see the world and what you do about it. Your focus can literally save your life. But again, it can be hard on your own to find the discipline, motivation, tools and techniques to steer your focus in the right direction.

When you hear about successful people achieving extraordinary, seemingly impossible goals, do you always assume that they were just fortunate? Or that you could never possibly be as successful? Most people are afraid to set goals because they fear failure. What they do not realise is that achieving the goal is not half as important as setting it and then taking massive action towards its attainment. Remember, the harder you prepare, the luckier you will get!

We all need to set inspiring goals to give our lives more focus and move in the direction we want to go. We also need to develop action steps to achieve our goals within a carefully planned and structured timetable. If you think you need some help with deciding to make important changes then please keep tuned to this site for more practical ideas and support.