Do you ever suffer from very poor self-esteem? I believe at times it can be so paralysing for an individual that it becomes almost impossible to motivate them to take action to achieve their goals.
Low self-esteem can have devastating consequences, such as:
- Anxiety, stress, loneliness and depression
- Difficulties with friendships and relationships
- Seriously impairing academic and job performance
- Underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse
All of these negative consequences only serve to reinforce a person’s negative self-image and can take them into a downward spiral, often leading to non-productive and self-destructive behaviour.
There are many different definitions of ’self-esteem’, but I like to refer to it as the extent to which we like and respect ourselves. The word ‘esteem’ comes from the Latin word which means ‘to estimate’ – in other words, it’s how you estimate yourself. A good way of assessing a person’s self-esteem is by asking them these questions:
- Do you like yourself?
- Do you think you are a good human being?
- Are you deserving of love?
- Do you deserve happiness?
People with low self-esteem often find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to these questions.
Self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves based on experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during childhood play a very large part in the shaping of our basic self-esteem. Low self-esteem is often the result of failed experiences, such as failure in sports, being harshly criticised, being ignored, ridiculed or teased, and even being yelled at or beaten.
Later on in life, self-esteem can be an outcome of what we do, and this is usually influenced by the choices we make for ourselves. I firmly believe that you have to do something well in order to feel good about yourself. I have worked with clients who have tried telling themselves over and over again that they deserve to feel great, but unless they start to do something well at the same time then it’s hard for self-esteem to rise.
The build up of past negative experiences in life only fuels a person’s so-called inner voice – by that I mean being a harsh inner critic, constantly criticising, punishing and belittling their accomplishments or lack of them. On the other hand, people with healthy self-esteem have an inner voice that conveys positive and reassuring messages.
So how can you overcome poor self-esteem? Look out for the next blog offering some simple steps to overcome it.
