As a coach, I work hard to convince my clients that they can change. I tell them that change doesn’t always happen quickly or easily, but I work hard to empower them with the tools and strategies they need to implement change. If you suffer with low self-esteem you need to start believing that you can change it. Remember, you have to do something well to feel good about yourself.

STEP 1: CHALLENGE THE INNER VOICE

The first step is to start to challenge all those negative messages of the inner voice. For example, after being turned down for a date a person often feels embarrassed or humiliated. They tell themselves they are unattractive and that nobody will ever like or care about them, and that they will always be alone. To counteract these negative inner messages, a person has to try saying for example: “Never mind. It’s her loss that she doesn’t want to go out with me. I know I’m an attractive and good person. I will find someone else”.

Try writing down your negative inner thoughts as they come to you, and then write down your rebuttals to counteract them. This can work wonders with re-programming the mind to think more positively.

STEP 2: PRACTISE SELF-NURTURING

Write down 50 things you like about yourself. Then, add one new thing you like EVERY day. You could try keeping a Personal Success Journal which highlights all your successes, achievements and positive things – however small. Included in this, could be reminders of accomplishments such as certificates and positive letters.

Try also to plan fun and relaxing things for yourself, such as going to the cinema, having a massage, or learning to meditate. You could keep a record of these on a weekly planning sheet.

Perhaps the most important part of step 2 is to try to “fake it until you make it”. In other words, even when you don’t feel you deserve it, you must make yourself practise self-nurturing.

STEP 3: ENLIST THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS

It would be very difficult to improve self-esteem without help from others, but this can be the most difficult step. People with low self-esteem often isolate themselves, and therefore won’t ask for help because they don’t think they deserve it. As low self-esteem is often the result of how people have treated you in the past, it is all the more important to get the help of people in the present to challenge the critical messages. So, for example:

• Ask friends to tell you what you do well and write it down
• Ask them to tell you what they like about you and write it down
• Find a friend who will listen to you – to let out your feelings to, without necessarily trying to fix things for you
• Ask friends and family for more hugs
• Remind those who love you to keep telling you that they do

Finally, I would encourage you to spend 10 minutes every day alone, sitting quietly, and trying to visualise how a life of peace, happiness and high self-esteem would look and feel for you. This can be very powerful.

During this time you should think about all the things that really matter to you. You could write them down to help you identify the areas you could work even harder on and then plan the action you need to take. Remember, in order to raise self-esteem you have to try hard to do well in the things that matter to you in order to feel good about yourself!

Good luck and let me know how you get on.